IC Inbox

[heng_like_a_dragon]

This is Dan Heng. Unfortunately, I'm unable to answer your call right now. Please state your name, callback number, and a brief message about your issue. Thank you.

POKEGO group chat

POKEGO group chat (2023)

Comments

[heng_like_a_dragon]

[Dan Heng sits with this for a moment as the memories of his past life flow into conscious memory. He closes his eyes, letting the past Dan Heng's feelings and thoughts wash over him like waves. Some of them bring the scouring sensation of sand, but mostly it feels like clean saltwater.

Even sweet dreams can be painfully cruel.

He sighs softly and picks up his phone.]

Hello, Noah. I understand quite well how such memories can be traumatizing, and make it difficult to reach out as a result. You do not need to apologize for trying to process what was happening.

What did you wish to talk about?

[consonanter]

[There's the sound of relief in his tone, and Noah seems to relax a bit from before.]

Thank you. I'm grateful I have friends here who are willing to help me through it. I don't think I would have done as well as I have otherwise.

In terms of things to discuss, my main concern was... [A beat, and Noah sighs.] How do I put this? Since remembering my actions as Sunday, especially with Ena's Dream, I just didn't want any of you to think I was avoiding you and planning something terrible. [The memory of Dominicus coming after him down the hallways of the Event Horizon is not one that he's forgotten easily.] I don't have many plans for myself right now beyond completing school and figuring out what I want to do from there.

[He also adds this-] And while I do understand Sunday's want to help others, there is still so much that can be done outside of what he chose. I myself want to comfort people and do what I can- but I won't sacrifice their freedom or their own identity in my effort to try.

[heng_like_a_dragon]

Mm... I can relate, unfortunately. Having people who are willing to support you, even when you're not ready to talk about what happened in your past... it is a blessing.

[Dan Heng waits patiently as Noah puts his thoughts into words. Eventually, he nods in approval and gives him a small smile.]

I believe that is a wise decision. Specifically learning from your past life and being more cautious about falling into those same traps. It can be very difficult, and it's something I myself am still learning. The traumas and bad habits of one's previous lives... can be difficult to break through to form better habits and heal from them.

[The former High Elder hesitates for a moment.]

If... you would like, I am willing to listen and give advice about reconciling your past life with your current life. I do not know if you were told or if you understood at the time, but I was the High Elder of the Luofu Vidyadhara. I would be happy to help you on this matter.

[consonanter]

I'm thankful you have people like that, truly. I... [Noah tries to think here, pausing.] I spent much of my childhood isolated from other people, as Sunday. I suspect it was how Gopher Wood made Sunday rely on him exclusively. [He exhales.] It is not a loneliness I would wish on anyone.

[But there is a bit of a laugh here, a harmless one.] Would you believe me if I said several of my friends have already told me they plan to "drag me back by my halo" if I begin to go down old paths? Jokingly, of course.

[But at the offer, Noah very clearly lets out a startled noise. It's apparent he wasn't expecting help at all.

His voice is soft, but there's warmth to it, a smile easily heard even though it can't be seen.]

...I would, actually. It's difficult to separate myself, at times, from the things I remember doing, back then. Regardless of how many times I hear it, actually believing that I shouldn't take the blame for Sunday's actions... [There's the sound of an exhale, and Noah shifts, one finger idly plucking a string on his violin. He'd brought it out to practice before the idea of contacting Dan Heng had struck him, and now it's simply there as an object to keep his hands busy.] I'm sure you understand. I would be grateful for any sort of help you'd be willing to give at all. Thank you, Dan Heng.

[heng_like_a_dragon]

[Although it's not on the same scale, it does strike a chord in Dan Heng. He remembers more clearly in this life how his Preceptors tried to isolate him, and how they disapproved of his friendships within the High-Cloud Quintet. Gopher Wood took a different tactic, but it's still one that he understands deeply. Someone trying to mold another into being the perfect tool for their plans.]

...Neither would I.

[Dan Heng lets out a soft 'heh.']

I would. Many of the people here are very, ah... assertive about such things.

[Even he's been that assertive, which is new for him. It's quite refreshing if he's being honest with himself.]

I do. It can wear at the spirit and erode your sense of self. Sometimes... it paralyzes you in fear of what you are capable of doing in the future if you are pushed back to that same situation. [He pauses for a moment to think.] I think... that it's important to acknowledge what you've done, to keep in mind and acknowledge that you might even do that again if you were pushed to that brink again. There's no shame in that acknowledgement. You are simply understanding yourself.

If you find yourself slipping back to the person you'd been, my best advice is to reach out to the people you're closest to. The people who know who you are now. Let them help to ground you in this present life. And if you have no one you can turn to at that time, you can call me any day or night. I will help you.

[You should really take your own advice, hypocrite.

Ignoring Vritra, there's a dryness in Dan Heng's voice as he adds:] I don't need much sleep nowadays, so you will not be bothering me.

[consonanter]

[He laughs again.] Assertive certainly is a word for it- though I can't exactly say I'm opposed. Goodness knows I need it, in some ways.

Yes, I've slowly begun to try and accept that this was what I thought was right, at the time. Even if it would never be something I'd choose now. It's- I wish I had a term for it other than "distressing," as that feels almost too light for the situation. [A pause.] Over time I hope the acceptance will become easier to fathom. And I'll be sure to reach out to people I know, should I find myself falling on old habits.

I see. I... unfortunately learned I don't need much sleep anymore when I was on the ship, back in October. [The very same one March was kidnapped to.] While I don't believe I'll need to contact you at a drastic hour, I'll keep that in mind. Hopefully it will be something I can manage over time.