heng_like_a_dragon

Up to you.

[... although.]

I look a little different because of the full moon. If you laugh at me I'll kill you.

[aSJKLJSKLAJDFKLSJLEDJGFrf]

[He... what? Blade should know by now that Dan Heng doesn't laugh. Granted, he does know that a threat of death from this feral blacksmith is all talk, no action.

... Damn, though, all the locations he can think of to meet are places where couples give gifts.]

I can meet you at Blue Fish Lake Park or your forge.

[Just casually elects to not respond at all to that second part.]

[Blade is not about to make that any better.]

The park is fine.

I'll bring the usual.

[The boba is an important ritual at this point.]

[Damn it, his weakness. Boba.]

I'll meet you at the duck pond there.

[Dan Heng packs up his things and goes to check out the book he's been using for reference. It's not long before he arrives at the park. He takes his time getting to the duck pond, allowing the change in scenery to clear his head of complicated equations. By the time he gets there, he's a lot more curious about what Blade has for him.]

[Blade definitely could have made life easier on himself if he had just used the hammerspace bag he got from the gacha, but it's fine. He has hands for a reason.

He arrives not long after Dan Heng carrying one of those little gray drink trays with two bobas in it (matcha, half sweet and original, half sweet) as per usual, but there's a bouquet tucked between them as well. He wears a thin, loose navy scarf around his neck and black everything else, including a long coat and his docs. The fluffy dog ears are familiar at this point, but he also has... a big fluffy tail to match; he's had his coat modified for ease of movement, which also includes a big slit in the back for the tail to poke through.]

Hey.

[There's a little table set for duck watching, so he places the boba on it and holds out the bouquet for Dan Heng to take. It's a pretty reasonably-sized bouquet, with white heliotropes forming the main canvas, and a few purple varieties of alstroemerias taking center stage. They've been tied together with a jade ribbon.

He also takes out a small, flat box from the inside of his coat and holds that out too.]

This is for you.

[Inside the box is a gold bracelet with handcarved light green jade and pearl beads.]

It's not a weapon, [he says as if that's what Dan Heng could be thinking at this moment.] It... [uh] ... It has an enchantment that should help you find your way in the dark. Just in case.

Edited 2023-09-19 13:17 (UTC)

[Dan Heng's look is more casual today, but he's still wearing a short-sleeve shirt and no coat or scarf. The shirt is white with thin, gold lines that give the impression of stylized scales, though it is hard to see. He's still wearing the silver, dragon ear cuff. His pants are a nice, dark green color.

He blinks as he sees a more doglike Blade approach.]

Hi. [... He recalls Blade had been self-conscious about how he looks, and he bets it's because of the tail. Maybe Dan Heng should say something.] You look cute.

[It's all he's got! At least he's not laughing!

Dan Heng takes the flowers and the box gently. It's a very beautiful bouquet, and he can't say he's ever been given flowers in his life. He honestly didn't think Blade would go through with that.]

These are beautiful. Thank you. I think I have a vase that would match their colors.

[Maybe he'll take a picture to send to Blade after he gets home. For now, though, Dan Heng carefully sets the flowers down so that he can open the box. The other man's explanation of the enchantment on it gives him pause for a second. That's... extremely kind. Dan Heng has needed more ways to help keep himself safe when it gets dark, though he's never explicitly told Blade that.

Dan Heng slides the lid off and stares at the bracelet. It's gorgeous. Easily the finest piece of jewelry he'll ever own because of how deeply personal it is. He lifts the jade lotus with his fingers just a little, treating it like it's made of glass. This is... so much. A lot, even. Dan Heng's still trying to figure out who he is, and here's Blade. Making him a weapon to defend himself with, a bracelet that'll let him see at night, flowers because he took Dan Heng's concerns at least a little seriously....

He recognizes this time that there are tears gathering in his eyes. There's no hiding it, either, which is embarrassing. Getting so emotional over these gifts....]

I'm sorry. [Dan Heng turns away, still holding onto the box with the bracelet in it, and wipes at his eyes with one hand.] It's nothing you've done. It's....

[He's not sure he can put it into words adequately enough. He's not even sure if Blade wants to know right now.]

[Blade is not expecting to be called cute. There might be a look of vague panic in that one visible red eye. Don't mind him.]

I— [blade.exe has crashed. Just. Just kill him, honestly. Thankfully Dan Heng moves onto the flowers so he doesn't have to worry about how red he must be.]

... Glad you like them.

[He'll have to thank Lapis later.

Blade tries his best to look nonchalant, even folding his arms, but his candle-flame eyes don't leave the other man as he unpacks the gift. Then he realizes something is wrong. Maybe it's the little tremble in his fingers, or the wetness of Dan Heng's eyes, but he feels like a storm must be coming.

Oh no. Did he do something wrong? Is the bracelet really that bad of a gift? Blade is about to ask because Dan Heng turns away, but then...

... Ah. Obviously something he did reminded Dan Heng of this or that, even if it isn't anything he did personally. How is that any better?]

Don't apologize.

[For some reason, hearing that kind of apology just... irks him. Like Dan Heng is apologizing for existing. That's something that Blade absolutely cannot accept.]

I didn't do any of this because I wanted something from you.

[He has his own confusing tangle of emotions.]

That means you don't have to explain, either. You don't owe me anything. [But it does beg the question of what is the point, which Blade acknowledges.] ... It's probably presumptuous to say this, but just being around you is enough for me.

[Sometimes it's even overwhelming, especially if he tries to remember more than he's been given.]

[Dan Heng does listen as Blade says his piece. He still feels a need to apologize, but this time he holds his tongue on that.

Being around you is enough for me.

This man.... Dan Heng may not owe him an explanation, but his heart says otherwise. He wants to tell Blade what's going on. Just... none of the sordid details.]

... In a way, I'm in something of a similar boat as you are. [He swallows.] I'm... trying to figure out who I am in all of this.

[Dan Heng hesitates, but then he finishes wiping his eyes and sits down at the table. His eyes trail to the flowers where Blade might see a hint of warmth in his normally cold expression.]

Perhaps that contradicts what I've told you before. How I have no intention of being anyone's shadow, and that I'm not those people from the past. That's still true. I still stand by that, but... that doesn't make me any less unsure about my own identity.

[He pauses with a small frown as he tries to think of how to describe the feeling.]

When I dream, it's like I'm not myself, but someone else. His thoughts and his feelings as a scene plays out in the dream. Or maybe it's memory. This is exacerbated, admittedly, by my depersonalization disorder.

I... had an episode recently, which is why this kindness caught me off-guard like that.

[Dan Heng looks down at the bracelet, fingering the jade lotus for a moment. Then, he takes it out of the box and puts it on his right wrist. Normally, a certain bracer would be there instead, but this bracelet can be a stand in for it. To him, these two things are on the same level.]

... I may not know myself well anymore, but I do know that I like what you have given me. And I do enjoy your presence.

[He is uncertain about a lot of his feelings toward Blade, but this feeling of enjoyment simply by seeing the other man is his own. That much Dan Heng feels absolutely certain about. He's enjoying his time spent with him and learning more about him.]

[Blade frowns as Dan Heng admits that he's also a bit lost in all of this. He takes the other seat at the table and listens quietly, but attentively; his ears are testament to that.]

I don't think it contradicts what you said at all. If anything... we're the same.

[He sips his boba quietly as Dan Heng goes on. When I dream, it's like I'm not myself. ... Yeah, that sounds familiar. He's not sure if it's a past life memories thing or what, but his clearest memories come to him in dreams, unfiltered by his demon's meddling. He's had a couple weeks to get used to that.

Depersonalization disorder... He remembers that being tossed around as something that might be affecting his memory in a longer way than simple dissociative amnesia. In the end, he'd been ruled DA and released, because there wasn't much else they could do for him. And Blade had learned to hide his demon possession better.]

... I am sorry.

[Dan Heng must really like the bracelet if he's putting it on. Blade, too, is thinking about the bracer... He's almost tempted to give him his own, but it wouldn't be the same. Blade's is in worse condition than the one Dan Heng wore. It's older and more beat-up.]

You can keep this one, [he says after a moment. It's a callback to their conversation in the car a couple weeks ago.] What matters is that you like it.

[He glances towards the duck pond as if that might do something to hide the faint blush on his cheeks.]

... And I enjoy your presence, too. [Even when his demon does not. Even when he feels the half-remembered obsession and fury rising up in his throat like bile, he remembers those eyes and a cool touch, and he calms for a little while.

Still, Dan Heng looks so... He wants to hold his hand or something but he isn't sure how welcome his touch would be. They've only just begun to get to know each other in this life, after all. But that... that urge to be close to him, that's still there. He isn't sure if it's Yingxing or Blade or the other Yingxing or the other Blade. Fuck.

There has to be something...]

[He is going to regret this so much but it is worth it if Dan Heng is happy, right?

Right.]

... You can touch my ears if you want. [...] I know you've been staring at them.

[It's strange and almost funny how they continue to parallel each other. Fate has a horrible sense of humor.]

It's nothing you need to apologize for. I simply need to find a better way to live with it.

[Because he's come to the conclusion that what he's been doing isn't working anymore. If it even worked at all in the past. ]

... I will treasure it.

[As Dan Heng's continued to do with everything Blade and Yingxing have given him. These objects give him a sense of safety and being cherished; someone who cares so much about him that effort has been put into making sure he is safe yet remains independent.

He hums softly when Blade says he enjoys Dan Heng's presence as well. The shorter man fiddles absently with the chains of his bracelet, lost in thought. At least, he is until Blade tells him that he can pet his ears. Dan Heng looks over at the other man, blinking slowly in surprise. He almost asks if he's sure, but one look at him tells him that answer. Blade's sure but he's embarrassed.

Dan Heng hesitates for a moment, and then reaches up to gently run his fingers over the fluffy fur of Blade's dog ears. It's very soft, which is absolutely delightful, and he can't help a small, warm smile. Though, Dan Heng does have one concern.]

Are you doing alright during the full moon? I've heard that it's had an effect on a greater number of people recently.

[It truly does. They have a lot of parallels between the two of them.]

I try not to think about it. [He pauses.] If there is one thing that the demon has taught me, it's how to live in the present. The future is unknown and the past is difficult for me to recall. So I focus on what's in front of me. What I can do with my own two hands.

... But that might not work for you. I don't know.

[He's trying.

His ears turn toward Dan Heng as he shifts. It only takes a second or two for Blade to close his eyes and lean into it... A cursory peek at Dan Heng's face with one eye open confirms what he thought, that offering his ears has cheered him up a little. He realizes with a start that he would do many things to protect that smile, and not all of them are nice or legal.

Hm. Well, then.

Also, there's a... sound... That's his tail. Wagging furiously back and forth to the point where it's kind of smacking his coat.]

The full moon is why I can't put them away. I'd just gotten used to the ears, but then... it got worse.

[He pulls his lips back in a scowl. He has fangies, too.]

It's inconvenient more than it is dangerous.

Not with the skills I have, but... I think I could learn from you about living in the present.

[Dan Heng isn't a craftsman like Blade is. However, there's still wisdom in that he may need to slow down and think of the present instead of the past or future. At least until he's figured himself out.

... What's that sound? He glances down on a hunch and sees that the other man's newly acquired tail is wagging furiously. That's... actually extremely adorable. Blade's answer and the reveal of having fangs gets a surprised, quiet chuckle from Dan Heng.]

I see it also changed your teeth somewhat.

[Dan Heng will not say that a dog suits Blade. He's saving that one for a one-hit-knock-out in the future.]

Will you start apprenticing at my forge, too? [That's a joke. That fangy smirk is definitely a joke.]

Unfortunately, it has, [he says with that low, hateful drawl that he uses for everything from being forced to socialize to dropping his ice cream on the ground.] I've already shredded two toothbrushes.

[He rests his chin in his hand, trying to look nonchalant or even bored because that is way cooler than just staring at Dan Heng and getting lost in how much he likes looking at him. His swaying tail gives him away, though.]

It feels like a cosmic joke. Forgetting almost everything after a questionable rebirth, all of the bad blood between us after the exile, and then another rebirth where we forgot everything again.

[Fate can be cruel.

His ears flick. He glances back at Dan Heng.]

... Do you know what your favorite food is? Or your favorite board game?

[...]

Would you like to find out?

[Dan Heng raises an eyebrow and decides to be a little bolder in his teasing. Someone needs to keep Blade in his place.]

I don't know if I'd learn much if all you do is stare at me.

[The way he talks about shredding two toothbrushes has Dan Heng covering up his amusement with a polite cough.]

Those poor toothbrushes. They didn't deserve such a fate.

[His tone is so dry.

Dan Heng's eyes are on the duck pond, watching as a few geese and ducks swim across the water. It's not as comforting as listening to ocean waves crash against the shore, but it's still got its charm as a scene of tranquility.]

Mm. Perhaps it was in the hope that this time would be better. There's a flow to it, if you know how to look.

[He looks back up at Blade in slight surprise by the questions he's posed. It gives him pause for a moment. Then, there's a small smile on his face.]

I'm partial to dishes with duck in it, but only for special occasions. As for board games, I didn't grow up playing any, so I don't know if I have a favorite. But I'd like to discover that with you, yes.

[Oh. Oh no. Dan Heng has noticed. Blade pinkens up like a cherry and pointedly does not make eye contact, though his ears give him away... They keep lowering every time Dan Heng gives him a scrap of attention, and paired with a tail wagging, it's... pretty obvious he's infatuated to some degree.]

I think you'd like working with your hands, personally.

[Just ignoring all of that. ALL of it.]

... I can't deny that things were worse for the other Blade. So there might be some truth to that, if you're the hopeful type. [Blade is not, but he can't help wondering if Blade and Dan Heng in the past ever reconciled. He decides he doesn't want to know if they didn't... What they have right now is fine.

He's... glad to have learned something new about Dan Heng, even if he can't reciprocate the sharing. (Also his tail is wagging extremely fast again.)]

When you said you don't know who you are, I thought about when we watched that movie. I... didn't mind that. [TAIL WAGGING FURIOUSLY] I thought we could do it again, but with different things, if we're learning about ourselves.

[He sounds so awkward. He knows he sounds awkward. He hates this.

... Also he reaches down to grab his own tail without breaking eye contact.]

[It's extremely obvious, the poor guy. His animal instincts betray him so much, here.]

I think I would as well, but I think I would rather make sure you ate and slept.

[Dan Heng's betting that Blade has sacrificed both in order to make the bracelet for him. After a month of knowing each other, he's gotten wise to the other man's ways.]

Sometimes, hope is enough to get one through the day.

[He has some hope, but he balances it out by being practical. He would rather be on the more optimistic side of realist.

Honestly, Dan Heng doesn't mind that Blade can't reciprocate. The point is to try and rediscover themselves. If it gives Blade ideas of more things to try, it's good enough.

He glances down as he sees and feels the other man's tail wagging furiously. It's like having a fan for his leg. His eyes return back to Blade's after that as he listens. Then, the man snatches his own tail without breaking eye contact. Dan Heng is silent for a second before he starts to laugh. He turns away to try and maintain some level of being polite, but his shoulders are shaking in his attempt to stay quiet and not disturb anyone else. He does manage to get out an answer after a few seconds, though!]

I, ahem, I think I would like that. It does mean I'll be cooking more for you. Or getting something new from auntie.

[Aaaand the ears go back again.]

... You don't have to do that.

[IT'S TRUE BUT WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO FUCKING LOUD ABOUT IT]

I suppose it must be. I'm not used to it myself, so I'll just look to you when I need it.

[A weird but... kind of sweet sentiment? Blade you are weird.

He isn't expecting Dan Heng to crack up laughing, though. It catches him off guard entirely. It's not a sound he's used to hearing, but it's adorable. He's heard Dan Heng chuckle before but nothing like this; he's obviously struggling not to lose it entirely.

Blade's sexuality has never weighed heavier than in this moment. He teeters between being embarrassed (he is very red) and being completely twitterpated (he is, after all, very red).

... Right. Dan Heng said something. Blade turns away and sips his boba, trying to play it off casually like he's too cool to sit in a chair like a normal person, but the truth is terribly obvious to anyone with eyes.]

I— [He clears his throat and tries again.] ... Wouldn't mind that.

[Good. Fucking. Christ.]

[He reaches up automatically to pet Blade's ears briefly, like he's consoling a pouting dog. Which he is. However, Dan Heng's brain catches up to the gesture and he stops.]

That's why I'm doing it.

[YES, HE DOES HAVE TO BE LOUD ABOUT IT.]

Alright, then I'll do my best.

[If it's a moon Blade needs to guide him through the long night, Dan Heng can step up for that role. He's... had some practice. Hope is what he learned from Theo, and he hasn't forgotten that lesson.

Dan Heng catches that look on his friend's very red face. Huh... that's a new and interesting reaction. It's just laughter, which admittedly is very rare coming from him, but still. The shorter man sips at his matcha boba before replying.]

I'll text you my schedule and we can pick a day. My limit is once a week, though. Until I'm done with finals for this semester.

[After finals, he might be open for doing this more often.]

[... Blade is really tempted to grab his hand and make him keep doing it, but he holds off. He sighs, but doesn't fight Dan Heng, because on some level he knows he's right.]

You and Lapis are both stubborn in this way.

[Time for some chewy boba. He takes a few moments to respond, because every second spent doing that is one less second he has to worry about being so red he might die.]

That's fine. I don't want to interfere with your studies.

Because she's correct and, I presume, both of us are concerned about your health.

[Get cared about, dog boy.]

I appreciate that. [He hesitates.] And... thank you for listening to me.

[His eyes go back to the bouquet, studying the flowers. Like his cousin, he does have an idea of what different flowers mean. Dan Heng takes one of the heliotropes.]

Hold still.

[Dan Heng then takes some of Blade's loose hair so that he can braid the flower in place. With a few minor adjustments, it sits prettily in the perfect spot. He looks subtly satisfied with the result.]

As I thought. It suits you.

Edited 2023-09-20 17:41 (UTC)

[dryly] God forbid you two ever meet.

[ASJKLAJSLJSDSJKLDG]

Of course I listened to you. [He's not blushing. (He's blushing.)] Even when the beast had me, I tried to listen. [He still isn't sure why. Maybe deep down, gripped by the madness, he still recognized the one he loved in the past.

Blade's eyes lift to Dan Heng's as he's told to hold still. He's terribly confused, right up until Dan Heng finishes and pulls back. Only then does Blade realize he's been holding his breath.

Haha, damn, he has it this bad already...?

He reaches up to gently touch the flower. No chance of that blush going down anytime soon, not with the way he ducks his gaze after.]

... Do you know what they mean?

God can't forbid me to do anything.

[His tone is completely deadpan.

Ah... well. That gets a faint blush from Dan Heng, at least. He'll elect to not say anything in response. There's nothing he can really say anyway.

As to Blade's question....]

Some say it is a symbol of eternal love and devotion. [He says it without his expression cracking, but then his voice gets softer as he adds:] Others also say that it's a symbol of salvation, too.

[He pauses, knowing that this might seem very much like a confession.]

I still need to sort out my feelings more, but....

[But there are feelings. In a way, it feels like their fates have been daisy chained together ever since Yingxing and Dan Feng met.]

I'm not ready yet. However, I think I will be later. But this is also up to you, too.

[Blade is about to point out that thinking is probably what got them into trouble in the first place, but he decides not to. It's not something they've really sat down and spoken about yet, and he doesn't feel comfortable joking about it even a little when it ruined so many lives. Whatever it was they did... the details are so heinous they couldn't even be recorded clearly in his book.]

I... [His voice lowers a notch, as if to match Dan Heng's own softness.] I didn't know about that other meaning. [He hasn't stopped touching his hair, though he's careful not to disturb the flowers too much.]

You believe I can be saved...

[Salvation. It isn't something he dared dream about before. And in that other life, he's sure 'salvation' meant an end to his miserable existence. Is that really salvation, or is it giving up like everyone else says?

He turns toward Dan Heng when he speaks again. This... definitely starts to sound like a confession. He's talking about feelings—feelings that Blade has also been struggling with in his own way. There is no disguising how his ears lower, expecting some bad news.

The amount of lifting that yet is doing. Blade breathes out slowly and rests his hands on the table.]

... I'm not ready, either. I don't feel like I can let go of everything that's in our past and pretend I feel nothing... nor can I move forward. I want things to stay just like this. I want to learn about Dan Heng the biologist, and all the things that make him different from Dan Heng the exile.

[He wants to fall in love again. He thinks he has, but he wants to do it the right way. Like normal people. With flowers and dates and holding hands, and precious gifts in small boxes.

Dan Heng deserves that much at least.]

And I... want to meet this fool he's so intent on saving. [Blade's lips curve into a slight smile.] I can't do that if I let the demon continue like it has.

[Dan Heng nods like he expects that.]

Certain religions have that as its meaning, yes. And... yes, I do believe you can be saved.

[He doesn't know how their story ends in their previous lives, but he chooses to hope that they reconciled somehow. Or maybe he found a way to cleanse the mara without killing Blade in the process. He doesn't know, and he has to be patient if they want to figure out more. Forcing the remembering process is only going to hurt them.

The sad, lowering ears does make it feel like a knife twists in his heart, but at least Blade starts perking up at the 'yet' he's used. He listens attentively as the other man speaks, and his expression softens somewhat. They're both on the same page and of the same mind. That's enough for him. Though, when Blade says he wants to meet the fool Dan Heng's intent on saving, he returns the smile a little.]

Then I suppose we'll find out both of these things together.

[And that feels right. It feels good, like he can breathe a little easier now that they've talked about this. Blade's worth the wait. He's worth doing this right.]

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