heng_like_a_dragon

[Aaaand the ears go back again.]

... You don't have to do that.

[IT'S TRUE BUT WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO FUCKING LOUD ABOUT IT]

I suppose it must be. I'm not used to it myself, so I'll just look to you when I need it.

[A weird but... kind of sweet sentiment? Blade you are weird.

He isn't expecting Dan Heng to crack up laughing, though. It catches him off guard entirely. It's not a sound he's used to hearing, but it's adorable. He's heard Dan Heng chuckle before but nothing like this; he's obviously struggling not to lose it entirely.

Blade's sexuality has never weighed heavier than in this moment. He teeters between being embarrassed (he is very red) and being completely twitterpated (he is, after all, very red).

... Right. Dan Heng said something. Blade turns away and sips his boba, trying to play it off casually like he's too cool to sit in a chair like a normal person, but the truth is terribly obvious to anyone with eyes.]

I— [He clears his throat and tries again.] ... Wouldn't mind that.

[Good. Fucking. Christ.]

[He reaches up automatically to pet Blade's ears briefly, like he's consoling a pouting dog. Which he is. However, Dan Heng's brain catches up to the gesture and he stops.]

That's why I'm doing it.

[YES, HE DOES HAVE TO BE LOUD ABOUT IT.]

Alright, then I'll do my best.

[If it's a moon Blade needs to guide him through the long night, Dan Heng can step up for that role. He's... had some practice. Hope is what he learned from Theo, and he hasn't forgotten that lesson.

Dan Heng catches that look on his friend's very red face. Huh... that's a new and interesting reaction. It's just laughter, which admittedly is very rare coming from him, but still. The shorter man sips at his matcha boba before replying.]

I'll text you my schedule and we can pick a day. My limit is once a week, though. Until I'm done with finals for this semester.

[After finals, he might be open for doing this more often.]

[... Blade is really tempted to grab his hand and make him keep doing it, but he holds off. He sighs, but doesn't fight Dan Heng, because on some level he knows he's right.]

You and Lapis are both stubborn in this way.

[Time for some chewy boba. He takes a few moments to respond, because every second spent doing that is one less second he has to worry about being so red he might die.]

That's fine. I don't want to interfere with your studies.

Because she's correct and, I presume, both of us are concerned about your health.

[Get cared about, dog boy.]

I appreciate that. [He hesitates.] And... thank you for listening to me.

[His eyes go back to the bouquet, studying the flowers. Like his cousin, he does have an idea of what different flowers mean. Dan Heng takes one of the heliotropes.]

Hold still.

[Dan Heng then takes some of Blade's loose hair so that he can braid the flower in place. With a few minor adjustments, it sits prettily in the perfect spot. He looks subtly satisfied with the result.]

As I thought. It suits you.

Edited 2023-09-20 17:41 (UTC)

[dryly] God forbid you two ever meet.

[ASJKLAJSLJSDSJKLDG]

Of course I listened to you. [He's not blushing. (He's blushing.)] Even when the beast had me, I tried to listen. [He still isn't sure why. Maybe deep down, gripped by the madness, he still recognized the one he loved in the past.

Blade's eyes lift to Dan Heng's as he's told to hold still. He's terribly confused, right up until Dan Heng finishes and pulls back. Only then does Blade realize he's been holding his breath.

Haha, damn, he has it this bad already...?

He reaches up to gently touch the flower. No chance of that blush going down anytime soon, not with the way he ducks his gaze after.]

... Do you know what they mean?

God can't forbid me to do anything.

[His tone is completely deadpan.

Ah... well. That gets a faint blush from Dan Heng, at least. He'll elect to not say anything in response. There's nothing he can really say anyway.

As to Blade's question....]

Some say it is a symbol of eternal love and devotion. [He says it without his expression cracking, but then his voice gets softer as he adds:] Others also say that it's a symbol of salvation, too.

[He pauses, knowing that this might seem very much like a confession.]

I still need to sort out my feelings more, but....

[But there are feelings. In a way, it feels like their fates have been daisy chained together ever since Yingxing and Dan Feng met.]

I'm not ready yet. However, I think I will be later. But this is also up to you, too.

[Blade is about to point out that thinking is probably what got them into trouble in the first place, but he decides not to. It's not something they've really sat down and spoken about yet, and he doesn't feel comfortable joking about it even a little when it ruined so many lives. Whatever it was they did... the details are so heinous they couldn't even be recorded clearly in his book.]

I... [His voice lowers a notch, as if to match Dan Heng's own softness.] I didn't know about that other meaning. [He hasn't stopped touching his hair, though he's careful not to disturb the flowers too much.]

You believe I can be saved...

[Salvation. It isn't something he dared dream about before. And in that other life, he's sure 'salvation' meant an end to his miserable existence. Is that really salvation, or is it giving up like everyone else says?

He turns toward Dan Heng when he speaks again. This... definitely starts to sound like a confession. He's talking about feelings—feelings that Blade has also been struggling with in his own way. There is no disguising how his ears lower, expecting some bad news.

The amount of lifting that yet is doing. Blade breathes out slowly and rests his hands on the table.]

... I'm not ready, either. I don't feel like I can let go of everything that's in our past and pretend I feel nothing... nor can I move forward. I want things to stay just like this. I want to learn about Dan Heng the biologist, and all the things that make him different from Dan Heng the exile.

[He wants to fall in love again. He thinks he has, but he wants to do it the right way. Like normal people. With flowers and dates and holding hands, and precious gifts in small boxes.

Dan Heng deserves that much at least.]

And I... want to meet this fool he's so intent on saving. [Blade's lips curve into a slight smile.] I can't do that if I let the demon continue like it has.

[Dan Heng nods like he expects that.]

Certain religions have that as its meaning, yes. And... yes, I do believe you can be saved.

[He doesn't know how their story ends in their previous lives, but he chooses to hope that they reconciled somehow. Or maybe he found a way to cleanse the mara without killing Blade in the process. He doesn't know, and he has to be patient if they want to figure out more. Forcing the remembering process is only going to hurt them.

The sad, lowering ears does make it feel like a knife twists in his heart, but at least Blade starts perking up at the 'yet' he's used. He listens attentively as the other man speaks, and his expression softens somewhat. They're both on the same page and of the same mind. That's enough for him. Though, when Blade says he wants to meet the fool Dan Heng's intent on saving, he returns the smile a little.]

Then I suppose we'll find out both of these things together.

[And that feels right. It feels good, like he can breathe a little easier now that they've talked about this. Blade's worth the wait. He's worth doing this right.]

[His stoic expression melts ever-so-slightly at that, near imperceptible, but Dan Heng can probably recognize it.]

I trust you.

[After all, Dan Heng has been right about numerous other things, whether Blade argued against them or not. He just feels like—like he can't remember what it's like to believe in something. But he can believe in Dan Heng. That's something he can do.

He looks at Dan Heng and realizes they were, perhaps, both feeling the same anxiety. Maybe that's not a surprise given how similar they are in other respects. The same fucked-up rebirth, the same fucked up memories, the same fucked-up past. But god damn, it's hard to think about any of that when he sees Dan Heng smiling back at him.

Maybe all they really needed was to acknowledge the dragon in the room, here.]

I don't mind waiting. I think... I could wait a long time. [I think the other Blade felt that way, too.

He rests his arm on the table again, the other wrapped around his boba. He is realizing that the more approachable Dan Heng becomes, the harder it is not to do something contradicting their own words—like leaning in to kiss him. Blade manages to resist the urge this time, though.]

... It's a relief to have a normal person problem for once. I can almost forget that I woke up with a tail last week, or the fact I keep getting swords shoved into my bag in Undertown.

[Blade, somehow, says the sweetest things. His trust is something Dan Heng doesn't want to break, and he doesn't want to make Blade wait longer than necessary. He may be aloof and cold, but he's not cruel.]

And I can wait for you just as long.

[This is worth the time and patience.

He sips at his boba while his gaze moves to the water fowl in the duck pond. It's been a lot already, but it feels like they're able to move forward a little after today. Though, when Blade talks about how it's nice to have a normal problem, he can't help chuckling quietly.]

I hear that. Although, I thought you would be happier to have more swords.

[It's a gentle tease compared to Dan Heng's normal teasing.]

[Blade flushes hot and glances away again. Honestly... When Dan Heng says stuff like that, it's hard not to want to show him affection. And it's not as if they can't, but they both know trying to date is a bad idea when they have so much to sort out.

... Still. There is something within him that wants to be closer.]

So did I, but these are kind of cursed. There is a place to input a five letter word on the hilt, and it'll gain an aspect of that. You can write "flame" and get a fire sword, or... "ducks" and get a sword that quacks when it hits a target. Quaint, but less useful than a weapon ought to be.

[He slides his free hand forward... and turns his palm over, fingers closed, a silent offer to hold his hand if he wants. Blade is not making a big deal about it, though; he's just sipping his boba like the duck pond is the most interesting thing in the world right now. His ears, perked and turned toward Dan Heng, give him away.]

Enough about that. Tell me more about what you do for POKEGO. All of this is still new to me.

[Dan Heng blinks at that. Clearly, he's not expecting to hear that a sword can do that.]

... Interesting. That's certainly a... unique ability.

[That's a polite way to put it, for sure.

Dan Heng looks down as he sees movement in his periphery. Blade's got his hand resting in what's clearly an invitation. A glance at his ears shows that the other man isn't as casual about it like he's trying to play it off as. He looks back towards the pond, hiding his smile by sipping his boba, and casually rests his hand on Blade's.

The shorter man hums softly at the question. He should've expected it, honestly, given that he doesn't talk about himself often, if at all.]

At first, it was as an apprentice in the biology and archival sciences departments, and I would act as a guard for my colleagues if necessary. Once I got my Master's in archival sciences and biology, I started to divide my time equally between the archives and field research in various Spirit Realms. I primarily stayed on the East Coast, though, given that I was still in school to work on my PhD in Harvard. The team was very supportive, and I hope to repay that once I'm a full time researcher for them.

[He is pleasantly surprised to find Dan Heng's hand in his, and his ears pin back for a moment and then perk right back up again, this time with a wagging tail to match. His fingers curl gently around Dan Heng's own. And though he'll deny it if called out on it, he's...

Blade is smiling.]

Harvard is so unavoidably prestigious even this amnesiac knows about it. You're not the type to settle for second best in anything, so you worked hard to get in. Isn't that right?

[He chews thoughtfully on some tapioca pearls for a moment.]

All the travel between here and the Spirit Realm must be routine to you, considering how long you've been doing it.

... What is the most incredible thing you've ever seen in the Spirit Realm?

[Dan Heng glances over when he feels Blade's tail start wagging up a storm again, and then quickly looks away with a faint blush to his cheeks. Goddamn it. That's a smile he knows he'll be weak to. He's pointedly not thinking about how this simple gesture he did is the cause of Blade's smile, and how that totally not-a-thought makes him feel warm.

It's a very pretty smile, though. Just that is enough for him to realize why Dan Feng fell in love the way he did. Yingxing's, or Blade's, smile is one he'd do much to safeguard, as well as to see more often.]

I'm obligated to say that it has a better reputation than Yale. I did. Middle school and high school were dedicated to that goal of getting into Harvard, although MIT was my second choice and Stanford as my third. I wanted to stay in Massachusetts if I could. Though, if I wasn't studying, then the rest of my time was spent in figure skating training.

[That's an interesting question, though. Dan Heng chews on a pearl thoughtfully.]

... Once, in the first Spirit Realm I went into, I saw what I can only describe as a literal star shower. It was as if stardust was gently raining down from the sky, but it would melt into your skin, almost like snow, when it touched you. Even more incredible than the sight was the curious property it had of healing any wound it touched. However, when it made contact with water, it would turn to dirt.

[His eyes are a little far away in memory, but there's an undeniable spark in them. A kind of curiosity to something new and currently inexplainable, but desiring to try and find that explanation.]

We never saw it again, and we couldn't collect samples of the stardust, but that was the moment when I knew I truly wanted to be part of the team. I wanted to see more of these Realms and preserve as much knowledge as we could get in our research of them.

[He chuckles at that.]

It does. I have a vague recollection of applying to MIT, but I ended up staying with the University of Cincinnati. It might've been my grades. [His ears flick.] Figure skating? Like that anime?

[This isn't an Olympics year, ok? He doesn't have a frame of reference outside of Yuri! on Ice.

But he is very patient as he listens, and by the end of Dan Heng's story, he's no longer trying to act interested in the duck pond. His bright ember eyes are full of distant wonder at the mere description of what Dan Heng saw out there.]

A starshower you could touch... That sounds incredible.

[The thought reminds him of something, but he doesn't grasp at the memory. He's afraid of triggering something unpleasant. Gold eyes, and so much regret... No, he won't push.]

[Huh... interesting to think about that they might have met earlier if they'd both decided on MIT instead of where they went.]

That's still a good college. [Dan Heng's a little confused at first until he remembers what Blade's referring to.] Similar, yes. I only competed at the Regional level, though my coach did try to convince me to go to at least Nationals. It was tempting to make a real career out of it, honestly.

[Dan Heng turns his attention from the pond when he notices how interested Blade seems to be. It's a little embarrassing to have so much attention, but he can't say he minds it at all, either.]

I've scanned in all the sketches I've made on Realms I've been to as a backup. I can email them to you, if you're interested.

[It is. Might've changed the trajectory of both their lives, honestly.]

My degree got me a job here, so I can't argue that. I... don't remember a lot about the experience, obviously.

[His ears perk up when Dan Heng talks about almost going to nationals. From here, he can't really imagine what it must be like to compete in a sport like that... But in the brief glimpses of dream-memories he has, he remembers how graceful Imbibitor Lunae was. It seems Dan Heng must have inherited some of it in this lifetime, or maybe he was always graceful...]

It'll be ice skating season soon. If you pick it up again, I don't mind watching.

[Blade. Blade you're so obvious--]

Really? In that case, I'd like to see them. Inspiration can come from anywhere, so...

I don't have any exciting stories about being in college, but... I don't mind sharing them with you. Maybe some of them can remind you of something. [He tilts his head slightly.] Even if not, it's okay that you don't have stories to tell me. I like who you are now.

[And Dan Heng means that. He can easily see that Blade is... well, unhinged sometimes when he's in the mindset for blacksmithing, but overall a good man. The demon just... complicates things.

He hums at that, looking at Blade thoughtfully.]

You could watch... and I could teach you to ice skate, if you'd like.

[It's an offer, anyway. He doesn't mind being watched by the other man. On the contrary, he finds he wants to make sure he does his best if Blade's his audience.]

I'd be happy to. I hope you find some inspiration in them.

[Oh. Oh. He... forgets what he's about to say, because—

I like who you are now.

Blade knows he's unpleasant. This is on purpose to a degree, but only because of the demon. Underneath all the gruffness and violence lies a visionary who would shower his Person with love and devotion if given the chance. Just one chance... He'd written himself off a long time ago but Dan Heng just keeps telling him over and over that he's worth it, that he's worth saving, and it's hard for Blade to remain unaffected.

The tightness in his chest is unfamiliar, and there's something prickling at his eyes. He clears his throat with some difficulty. He's feeling a little overwhelmed, but he's happy, too...]

You just... say things, don't you?

[See, he was listening back then.]

... I might not be a good student. But for you, I'll try.

[Honestly, the things this man does to him.]

[Dan Heng can see that his words have affected Blade. Yet, on having his own thrown back at him, he simply squeezes the other man's hand briefly.]

... Sometimes, yes.

[He's well aware that he doesn't always say anything. Dan Heng prefers his silence, in a way. But, sometimes, silence isn't what someone needs.]

Then, we'll see when is a good time for that once Winter Break starts.

[He's looking forward to it, honestly.]

[He squeezes back. Words aren't their strong suit, either of them, but he hopes his feelings can be understood. If not, well, they can work on that... but the way he strokes Dan Heng's hand with his thumb says a lot.

Of course, the longer they sit like this, the more his tail misbehaves. The silence is broken by distant quacking and also... swishswishswishswishswish. Blade tries to keep a straight face, but he eventually ducks his gaze and mutters:]

Damn it.

[AJSKLAJSLFLFJDLDSf]

[Dan Heng hasn't even been paying attention to Blade's tail. He's a little more distracted by the thumb stroking his hand. This got intimate extremely quickly.

And then Blade ducks away to curse under his breath because of the tail wagging. Dan Heng can't help laughing quietly again. He reaches up to scratch the taller man behind his ear consolingly.]

It's cute.

[Yes, he's highly aware that he's only making it worse for Blade.]

[That laugh is worth the embarrassment and fluorescent blush, but it's the ear scritches that end him. Dan Heng could be stabbing him through the heart right now and he wouldn't notice. He closes his eyes and makes a soft, pathetic noise... and leans into it...

The tail is going full speed now.]

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