heng_like_a_dragon

[Dan Heng smiles a little at that.]

I'm not entirely certain why, but it's better than being scared of me.

[He finishes brushing Dumpling and sets the brush aside. Gently, the former High Elder gets Sesame off of his head and onto the floor.]

Okay, I'll brush the rest of you later, I promise.

[Slowly, reluctantly, the cats eventually leave. Mimi is the last to go, stretching and yawning before gracefully jumping down to go play with the other three cats. Dan Heng sighs softly before leaning a little against Jing Yuan's side.]

You're not stealing my attention. I'm giving it to you, freely and gladly. [He looks up at him, studying his partner for a moment.] Is something wrong?

[ there is a part of him that is almost sad to see the cats go but another that is glad for it. Dan Heng's weight rests against him and instinctually Jing Yuan wraps an arm around him, holding the other man close. ]

No, nothing is wrong. [ has he truly become so easily read? this life free of the chains of command have softened him. ] Just old memories bubbling up to the surface.

[ the Shackling Prison, the Borisin, Dan Heng's retreating form as he waited for the axe to finally fall. ]

[Having Jing Yuan's arm around him has Dan Heng instinctively curling up against his side more fully. He can never help himself, and he's given up resisting those urges in private.]

Mm... We have a lot of those, don't we?

[Perhaps too many. He reaches up to brush his fingers through long, white hair.]

Which ones have surfaced for you?

More than one lifetimes worth.

[ Jing Yuan leans into the fingers in his hair, his grip on Dan Heng tightening just so. he has never worried about the other's capability of taking care of himself and he is certain things would work out for the better in the end yet─

he had hoped Dan Heng would never have to step foot back there. ]

The Wardance. [ if he closes his eyes Jing Yuan knows faces will flash before his vision and familiar voices will fill his ears. ] Glimpses came to me while I was taking a nap.

[Who knew such a simple word could bring a medley of emotions within his heart? Dan Heng remembers seeing right through Jing Yuan back then. The politics going on behind the scenes, as clear as water in his old-young eyes. He remembers wanting to defend Jing Yuan, but couldn't make that obvious. He knows the dance even if he's never participated himself.

Yet what taints those memories is the cold shadow of the Shackling Prison. He's been haunted by that dark, cold, lonely place ever since awakening to his memories. They hound him, circle him like a predator waiting to pounce. It's why he has trouble with so much as stepping foot inside the Fortress.

Unconsciously, Dan Heng rubs at his wrist where the nails had been embedded into his flesh.]

Mm... I remember genuinely looking forward to it, and properly introducing March and Caelus to an important part of our culture. ... As well as seeing you again, despite the circumstances.

[He pauses.]

That was also the first time I got to meet General Huaiyan as Dan Heng, I believe.

[Yet that wouldn't cause so much anxiety in his boyfriend. He closes his eyes for a moment before looking up at the taller man.]

It will not hurt me to talk about it, àirén, if that is what you need.

[His voice is low and gentle. He can talk about it, even if Dan Heng would normally prefer not to.]

[ he feels guilty for even mentioning it, for summoning the image of the Shackling Prison from the depths of his lover's mind. after all he suffered it would be best if those memories stayed buried in those depths, if they never again haunted him again. it is a vain wish, one that could be fulfilled no matter how hard the general desires it.

those memories always finds a way of haunting them, no matter the lifetime.

absently, Jing Yuan reaches for the other's wrist gently gliding his fingers over until he laces their fingers together. ]

I was glad to see you all again, politics aside. I had... missed your presence.

[ of course Dan Heng singles in on the source of his anxiety without fail, those beautiful eyes seeing through him as though he were made of nothing but glass. he exhales and meets the other's gaze. ]

No, it isn't. [ he leans down enough to rest his forehead against Dan Heng's. ] I have what I need right here, you safe and warm in my arms. I could apologize until the end of time for asking you to go back there, but it would not change the events that transpired.

[Dan Heng looks a little surprised to have Jing Yuan resting his forehead against the Vidyadhara's own. However, there's also a quiet delight and affection in his blue eyes to have it all the same. All he needs is just a little bit of Jing Yuan and Blade's affection and attention. He's always given so much more than that, especially during moments when he feels that he least deserves it.]

I chose to go back.

[He reaches up to gently caress his partner's cheek. His blue eyes don't leave Jing Yuan's golden ones, still as bright and warm as a sun.]

If it meant protecting you, I'd go back and stay.

[Dan Heng hesitates before quietly admitting:]

Truth be told... the Shackling Prison was one of the first memories I had when I awakened to my past life. Back in college, I... had a stalker that tried to take advantage of me walking home alone at night. He stabbed me, which awakened my first memory, and I panicked. I became a dragon and killed him on accident. It led to the police detaining me in a holding cell, which was... how I had those memories resurface.

...What I'm trying to say rather clumsily is that it's not your fault, A-Yuan. I never blamed you. Not then, not now, and the same was true for Dan Feng.

[ he knows deep inside himself that there was very little Dan Heng would not do for those he cares about, but there is something different about hearing it from the Vidyadhara's own mouth. there is assurance in his words that washes over the Arbiter-General like wave of cool water, soothing festering fears. ]

I would never allow it.

[ Jing Yuan's leans into Dan Heng's touch. he expression only hardening as the other man describes his awakening. a storm starts to flicker in those golden eyes for a brief moment, only to fizzle as quickly as it began. ]

I know. Even if I had been at fault you would not have blamed me. [ it will take a long time for Jing Yuan not to blame himself in some capacity, but he is trying. one day he will accept that his inability to act is not cause for blame. ] You would have taken all the fault on yourself to spare those you love.

[He gives Jing Yuan a small, warm smile at that.]

Then there is nothing to fear.

[Dan Heng sees the storm that flickers within his golden eyes and feels Vritra's discontent. His passenger doesn't like Jing Yuan and his Lightning Lord. The dragon gets the sense that eventually that dislike will cause friction or turn to hatred, but there's nothing he can do about that. Indra had left his mark.

But he puts that aside in favor of giving his full attention to Jing Yuan and their conversation.]

...A fatal flaw of mine that seems to span lifetimes. [He bumps his nose gently against Jing Yuan's in a "bunny" kiss.] I'd been lonely for many, many lives, but then the High-Cloud Quintet changed that forever. I can't help seeing you as priceless treasures to protect.

[His love runs deep. Whether it's friendship or romance.]

[ it would be funny if Jing Yuan knew, knowing that his Lightning Lord cares little for the passenger responsible for bringing Dan Heng back to them. many times has his possessor's gaze settled on Vritra without being marked for a Hunt, each time bringing nothing but relief to Jing Yuan's heart. the last thing he wants is to raise his blade at him and strike him down, for the being possessing his partner to become as dangerous as that demon that had it's claws into Blade.

but he refuses to entertain that line of thinking, focusing entirely on the man in his arms. ]

We all share that flaw I fear. [ he smiles widely, bumping Dan Heng's noise back. ] You are just as precious a treasure, àirén. One that changed the trajectory of our lives just as much as we changed yours.

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