heng_like_a_dragon

[It happens so fast, but he finds himself in warm blessed arms and being spoken to in a language he half-understands. He pants hard and stops struggling, just staring up at Dan Heng wide-eyed like he's never seen him before.

He's suddenly aware that he's cold. His feet are cold. And also, he's not wearing pants?

... Hospital gowns. Ugh.]

I... I remember hurting you. But you're here.

[He's still a bit confused, obviously. The memories are trickling in, now, but he pushes through them so he can reach up and cradle Dan Heng's face.]

Tiánxīn. I'm...

I am so sorry.

[Dan Heng's heart breaks a little when Blade says that. When the other man cradles his face, he lets him and rests a hand on top of one of them. His other arm is enough to support his boyfriend's weight. The dragon's expression is soft and tender, but also worried. He has more presence of mind to switch back to English, now, at least.]

Shhh. [He rests his forehead against Blade's, blue eyes meeting crimson.] That wasn't you. Okay? That wasn't.

[He stops speaking when he sees the nurse rushing in. The two of them help Blade back to his hospital bed and hook him back up, and then says the doctor will be by soon to talk to them. The nurse can read the room and tells them it's alright if Dan Heng climbs in as long as nothing gets yanked out. He thanks him and waits for the nurse to close the curtains before toeing off his shoes and carefully climbing in to lie down next to Blade on the hospital bed. It's barely big enough for them, but it's fine. The shorter man rests one hand on his partner's chest and the other comes up to stroke his long, soft hair.]

I'm sorry I hurt you, too.

[Mara's last words still ring in the back of his mind, but... he won't talk about it unless Blade brings it up. Or if his partner even remembers.]

[Blade's vision is swallowed by beautiful blue eyes, and it seems to mollify him for the moment. He's quiet and passive as he's helped back into bed again. All the fight has left him, not that he could really struggle in the first place.

He curls around Dan Heng the best he can, eyes squeezed shut, his freer hand worrying its way into the back of the dragon's shirt. He's practically shoving his face into Dan Heng's chest.]

I'm sorry, [he murmurs again.] I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

[He's remembering and he wishes he wasn't. It's as if Mara was balancing his memories on spinning plates, and now they're all crashing down. He trembles. He wants to cry, which is a strange feeling, but he doesn't want to cry in front of the doctor. Or maybe he's unable to cry because he's just overwhelmed? He's not sure.]

You... you did what you had to do. As always. But I...

[He sucks in a sharp breath. He remembers the scent of blood that isn't his own, and blurred images of people he's met. A castle, a blood red moon. Pressing something into Dan Heng's hands.]

[Dan Heng moves his hand from Blade's chest to his back and rubs along it, up and down, as soothingly as he can. The hand in his hair moves as well, cradling the back of his head and encouraging him to hide his face if that's what he wants. This old dragon will protect him.]

I forgive you, A-Xing. For all of it.

[Even if he'll have nightmares of what Mara did while wearing his beloved's face, he'll never blame Blade for it. He's as much a victim in this as everyone else.]

I love you, A-Xing. I still do. You're okay. We're okay.

[He tangles their legs together. In all the times they've held each other, this is probably the most pathetic he's ever been. Of course he has a good reason, but...

I forgive you, Dan Heng says, and a shudder goes through Blade. Then it's followed by a soft hiccup that becomes a sob, and then another, and another—violent sobs wracking his body, but he barely makes any noise at all.

It always takes doctors a hundred years to do anything, and so it is with this one. The emergency has long passed. When the doctor finally knocks on the door, Blade has stopped crying, but he hasn't stopped clinging. It's only when the door squeaks open that he finally lifts his head, eyes red and puffy, and gazes blearily at the doctor.

To her credit, she pretends like nothing is wrong. She casually offers the nearest box of tissues and takes Blade's vitals. Then she talks about the injuries Blade came in with, his prognosis (good! he can go home today) and what the next steps are (lots of bed rest for the next week, and light duties only for the next month, until he feels better).

She asks if he has any questions.

Blade stares blankly, and then looks down at his hands. It looks like Dan Heng might need to do the talking.]

[He doesn't mind. He just holds Blade and comforts him as best as he can, especially through the tears. His partner's sobs send a crack in Dan Heng's heart each time, but he endures and murmurs soft words to him in English and Cantonese. The dragon buries kisses in his hair, and silently encourages him to let it out. Dan Heng knows from experience... emotions like this are like a poison that needs to be expelled before healing can happen.

Dan Heng keeps holding onto his boyfriend when the doctor comes in. He knows that his partner isn't in the head space for this discussion, so he asks his questions on Blade's behalf. He's attentive to her instructions on home care, what Blade is allowed to do and for how long, how long Blade will need to rest and a projected timeline of when he can do regular activities again. He also asks about medication and expected side effects, and what signs to look for that will require a return visit to the hospital.

Finally, he runs out of questions and the doctor tells them that they can leave as soon as Blade is ready. Once she leaves them alone, Dan Heng looks down at his boyfriend. He brushes the hair out of his eyes.]

Are you ready to go home?

[Thank the gods for Dan Heng. Blade sits there mutely until she's gone, and even then, it takes him a moment to come back to himself. There is some emotional healing that needs to happen as well as the physical.]

Please, [he says in a voice barely above a whisper. But he's listening. And he's present, shown by how he reaches up and twines their fingers together. After a moment, he opens his candle-flame eyes again and looks up at Dan Heng.]

Ngo oi nei.

[He means it now as much as he ever did.]

[Dan Heng nods at him and twines his fingers with Blade's. He's startled by those words, but his expression softens as he runs his fingers through his partner's hair and replies:]

Ngo oi nei, A-Xing.

[The earnest words are spoken softly and delicately with meaning behind each syllable. He leans down to kiss Blade's forehead before gathering up their things. Fortunately, there aren't many since the clothes his partner had been in were beyond salvaging. Dan Heng picks Blade up into a bridal carry and teleports them back to the condo.

Jusis has been very considerate by hiring a maid service to deep clean the place and put everything back together. Anything beyond salvaging because of the blood had been replaced with something as close as possible to the original, with the assurance that the blond would foot the bill and take care of the refund if Blade would rather get something entirely different. Dan Heng goes to his boyfriend's room to set him in a sitting position on the bed, and then quickly checks his text messages to know when to pick up his partner's medication. After pocketing his phone, he turns his attention back to him and cups his cheek.]

You can put on something comfortable while I go get a pitcher of water for you. Are you okay with that?

[He's here for whatever his boyfriend needs in this moment. Dan Heng truly meant it when he promised Blade that he'd take care of him during the recovery period.]

[Blade's pale cheeks pinken slightly at those words. He closes his eyes, happy enough for the moment. Then he's swept up into Dan Heng's arms, and he's about to ask where he parked when—

They're back at the condo. Blade opens his eyes. Blinks a few times.]

... Forgot you can teleport.

[No wonder he's so disoriented. He looks around. He can barely recognize the place. Oh, it looks about the same, but a lot of things are newer or cleaner thanks to Jusis' involvement. He... feels a little bad.

He sits there on the bed for a minute, just breathing in and getting used to being awake again. He feels so tired already. He realizes it must be the pain meds wearing off. He looks at his bandaged hands, then up at Dan Heng.]

I think I can manage that... Thanks.

[Just to be sure, he supports himself on the nightstand as he gets to his feet. He's... shakier than he thought he'd be, so he's careful to hold onto the furniture as he picks out a black tank top to wear and loose grey pants.]

Edited 2024-01-22 02:30 (UTC)

[Dan Heng nods and heads out to the kitchen. He takes out a pitcher to fill up with water, a glass, and makes a note for himself to pick up disposable cups to make it easier for his boyfriend. He knocks on the door to let Blade know he's coming back in before opening it, setting his items on the nightstand. Blade will probably note that there's a backpack and a suitcase with things from Dan Heng's room, such as clothes, his laptop, and other essentials.]

If you want food or need anything else, let me know. I'll have to head out in an hour or two to pick up your medicine.

[Since he can teleport, he's not too worried. Dan Heng himself isn't up to driving yet, so this is the best he can do. After a moment of thought, he empties out his pockets onto the nightstand and will climb into bed with Blade.]

[Blade tugs at the bottom of his shirt, wondering when his shirt got so small...? Maybe he's been gaining weight... but that's not important.]

Is that okay? [He hesitates.] I could ask someone to run errands for us.

[He pours himself some water and drains it, surprising himself. He didn't realize how thirsty he was, but it's been... a Week. When he's finished, he wiggles his way under the covers and turns to look at Dan Heng. There are fifty or so questions he wants to ask, but all he can do is stare.

After a moment, he reaches up and gently touches Dan Heng's cheek, his temple, traces his ear.]

... This is real.

[Yes, dumbass.]

[Dan Heng sees that's actually one of his own shirts, but he lets Blade have it. The man's been bulking up since eating regularly and working often in the forge.]

It's okay as long as you're okay with it.

[He answers without even a hint of hesitation. He's confident and honest in his answer. Dan Heng simply wants to prove to Blade that he'll be there for him in sickness and in health.

The dragon turns onto his side as well to look at Blade. His blue eyes are on his boyfriend and when the other man reaches out to touch his cheek, he moves closer to him. His eyes and expression soften, and he unconsciously leans into the touch to his temple and ear.]

Yes, it's real. He's gone. It's just you and me, and we're both still alive.

[This shirt is absurdly tight, but it doesn't feel like it's about to rip so he's just going to wear it for now. Sorry, Dan Heng.]

I am. [A pause.] Though I... don't want you to leave. Even for a minute. I know that's childish. You can come and go whenever you want.

[He can at least admit it.

He traces Dan Heng's jawline, and his neck, and then his fingers curl. He closes his eyes.

Mara is gone.

He had hoped. And god, it came at such a cost, but... he's free.]

You kept your promise...

[He leans in, and presses his forehead to Dan Heng's. His tail makes slow arcs under the bedspread.]

This is how it all began, a year and a half ago. I woke up alone in the hospital not remembering anything. I had a demon in my head, and powers I couldn't control.

[...]

But this time, you were there.

Everything has changed.

[It's fine. Probably. As long as it doesn't rip, but it'll be a noble sacrifice to Blade's body.

That gets a quiet laugh out of him.]

But then I'll have to leave to open the door for whoever we sent to pick them up.

[He's teasing gently, but there's understanding in his eyes. Dan Heng can empathize with not wanting to be left alone.

The dragon lets him trace the features of his face quietly. When Blade's fingers begin to curl, Dan Heng reaches up to take them gently in his hand. He smiles a little.]

I did.

[As Blade rests his forehead against the dragon's, he tangles their legs together and gazes affectionately into crimson eyes. He listens attentively to what his partner says.]

Yes. [He threads his fingers between Blade's and squeezes his hand comfortingly.] The samsara is broken, and I'm still here. Your nightmare has ended.

[Then, he chuckles softly (again!).]

Although, this is the second time you've threatened to fight my cousin. You even called him a punk.

I know... [He sounds just a touch petulant.] So you should do what you need to.

[Looking at Dan Heng like this, being finally free—he wants to melt. Maybe he'll turn into a puddle right here and become the water element instead of the wind. He cuddles closer, somehow, enjoying the contact and how they're entwined with one another. Then he squeezes Dan Heng's hand right back.]

It's over...

[Those words are so big to him right now. He leans in a little more, and leaves soft fluttery kisses on Dan Heng's nose, and his cheek, and finally his mouth.]

I won't apologize. If he wants me to fight him for your hand, I'll do it.

[There's a little of that fire.]

I love you too much to give up on any of this. On us.

I'll go through the next samsara. And the next. And the one after that.

Whatever it takes to reach you.

Heh, I'll pick up something nice while I'm there. Ice cream or something.

[Whatever Blade wants, he'll get. Dan Heng's just so... happy and relieved that he has his boyfriend alive and free. If the cost is his own freedom somewhere down the line, then... that's okay. He'll pay it.

He's happy to have his partner closer to him. As Blade leaves butterfly kisses all over his face, the shorter man can't help smiling and closing his eyes. As lips brush over his own, Dan Heng kisses back just as softly and still smiles. He only opens his eyes when Blade starts talking a little more passionately. For a moment, he wonders what he did to get this man so entangled in his life. He wonders if Dan Feng had the same question.]

... You know I'll do the same for you. I'll keep reaching out towards you, even if I can't remember clearly. I won't give up my bright star without a fight.

As long as you love and want me, I'll be there in every life.

[This is real.

He keeps repeating it in his head.

This is real, and it's their own. They're alive. They won.

Tomorrow is theirs, and the day after, and the day after that, and... He can scarcely believe it. He feels whole for the first time, even with all the bandages and the blood loss. A fog has lifted, literally and figuratively, with Mara's departure.]

I can't imagine not wanting you. I can't imagine not loving you. [Even at the deepest depths of his hatred, his anger in his past life, he knows he still loved the other. That was what made it so destructive and potent. And tragic.]

... Can you tell me what happened?

I wasn't sleeping well. Venti went to get something. I can remember a little, but it's distorted. Like watching someone else's life happen underwater from a bad angle.

[Blade saying that has him smiling again, though a little more shyly.]

Mm... I know. That's why I'll always be there. [He just wants to remind him that their love isn't a shackle. It would break his heart to be nothing but a cage to this brilliant, wonderful man. Maybe Blade understands that.

Dan Heng sighs softly at the question. It's one he's been dreading to answer, but... he'll tell him the truth. It would be incredibly cruel to give him anything less than that.]

I'm not certain what led up to it, honestly. However... when Mara took over, he.... [He pauses and looks away for a moment before looking back.] He posted to the network killing Cara. Nick was there, too, but... he had already died. Mara was calling me out specifically, and he'd sent me a message to meet him at the duck pond.

If not for your ring, I might have come out of that encounter with more wounds than I got. However, that was when I started guessing his patterns... and found where he dumped the bodies. [He closes his eyes, looking a little pained.] Kanto. Those ruins where we adopted the Ralts pair. That was where we found them... and how I deduced that he made the Labyrinth near your home. He said our karma was entwined, and that he wanted to take everything from you, including me... your 'prized treasure.'

[Dan Heng stops there to open his eyes, reading Blade's expression, and seeing if he's going to ask anything.]

[Blade does understand that, but he doesn't see their love as a shackle in this lifetime. He never has. He knows it's love, and it's real, because Dan Heng is so willing to let him go if he wants to go.]

... I thought so. [He doesn't remember everything, but he remembers enough to know that he must have killed those people.

Mara really did his best to taint every memory they had made together. He wanted to go out with a bang, if he had to go out at all. Now Blade and Dan Heng were left with the pieces.

He remembers the sound of his sword sliding through flesh, the sharp copper scent of blood. It makes his stomach churn in a way he's not prepared for. He pulls himself away from Dan Heng.]

Sorry—

[Thankfully he's not far from the wastebasket. He leans over and grabs it, just in time to heave up the water he drank.

He wipes his mouth off on a nearby tissue and speaks up after a minute.]

... Even if it wasn't me, it was my body. It was my hands that did it. Did you know... despite all the weapons I made, this life, I hadn't killed anyone? I hadn't taken anyone's life. I only ever destroyed my own.

[...]

But your friends are dead now.

I'll face my punishment for that. One way or another.

[He pours some more water, and this time takes a slow sip to help wash out his mouth.]

... He was right about one thing.

You are the most precious thing to me. You always have been.

[Dan Heng moves just as fast when he sees the telltale sign of another trauma reaction. As Blade empties his insides into the wastebasket, the dragon is sitting up to pull back his hair and rub his back soothingly. When it seems he's done, his voice is gentle.]

I get it.

[He then falls silent as Blade speaks again. There are a lot of whirling emotions in his heart, but his thoughts are clear.]

I never thought you did. [His voice is soft and gentle, quiet.] You're a craftsman with a passion for what he does, and I know you never gave out your weapons with the intent for murder. Only self-defense. Even if it was your body that did it, your mind, your soul, was not in control of it. Mara wore your face in an attempt to destroy and taint everything you've worked hard to build here. But never once did I think it was you, nor did I blame you.

[Dan Heng sits next to Blade and reaches up to comb his fingers through his partner's hair.]

... As long as you don't lose yourself and your heart in the process.

[He can't say anything about punishment. Dan Heng never suffered the consequences, truly, for killing his stalker. Neither did Dan Feng when he drowned countless Cloud Knights because of a strategy that had been made with the High-Cloud Quintet. The only consequences they suffered was looking in the mirror and seeing a monster with a bleeding, broken heart.

... He understands Blade.

At that, the dragon brushes his lips lightly over Blade's cheek.]

And you are mine. [...] He did call you my bride, and yet he was the one making you wear red. He should've known better than to steal the crown jewel of a dragon's treasure.

[He's trying to lighten Blade's mood a little. Help distract him from the horror.]

[Blade appreciates him so much right now. After setting the wastebasket down, he leans into Dan Heng's touch and closes his eyes. He feels a tremor inside him still, a lingering aftereffect of the vomiting most likely.]

I won't lose myself. I have no intention of throwing my life away for something I wasn't fully at fault for. It isn't the same as... [... the Sedition. He was so committed to ending his life, and Dan Heng's, back then. He remembers it more clearly now.] I'm more useful working than in jail. ... Jusis has probably already prepared for this eventuality.

[After that adorable cheek kiss, he rests his head against Dan Heng's shoulder. His cheeks are a little pink, but he's pretending he isn't so easily affected by Dan Heng flirting right back.]

Did I at least look good in the dress?

[He can fill in the blanks when Blade trails off. His own memories of the Sedition are hazy and incomplete, and so he doesn't comment. He wouldn't wish to even if he remembered the full story. Dan Feng's choices are his own and shouldn't reflect Dan Heng's.]

Then I will put my faith in them, but it only goes so far.

[He trusts Blade's judgement in this matter. Dan Heng's just not going to sit there and let his boyfriend take an unjust or cruel punishment.

The dragon shifts to make his partner more comfortable, and plays with the ends of his hair. A smile lifts his lips as he sees the pink dusting Blade's cheeks.]

Hm, it didn't suit you at all. He had terrible taste. However, I do think red is your color. [His smile widens a tiny bit more as he teases:] Does this mean you're Dan Yingxing, now? Or perhaps I should be Song Heng.

Mm. [He's glad to have Dan Heng watching out for him. And they make such a damn good team, really...]

I do like red.

[His cheeks suddenly go fluorescent.]

D-Dan Heng. [asjklajskal;sjafk;f he can't help looking a little startled.] I thought we couldn't get married yet?

[... His tail is wagging, though. He makes eye contact while he reaches down to stop it.]

... I mean to say. We have plenty of time to think about that. [A pause.] And we can make something new. Take the characters from our names and... combine them. If you like.

[Dan Heng can't help laughing at the look Blade gives him, what he says, and grabbing his own tail to stop it from wagging furiously. It's perhaps the first time he hasn't been quiet about his laughter. He's still stifling his chuckles when his partner makes that very sweet suggestion.]

We have time, and I'd like to get the experience of dating you and being engaged with you before then anyway. Not to mention moving in with you in the future.

[His blue eyes are practically sparkling as he buries a kiss in Blade's hair.]

But I like that. Combining the characters of our names. We can take the time to workshop that until we both feel it's perfect for us.

[He lets go of his tail, but it returns to wagging a million miles an hour. It's worth being teased if he can make Dan Heng laugh. It's precious and rare, and he'll do anything to protect it.]

I... I want those things, too. And all the things denied us before... I'll make them ours.

[He feels bad wanting them considering what he's done, and what he needs to do. But that doesn't make him want his freedom any less. Sometimes, things happen that can't be explained. Bad things happen and those who live on have to deal with them.

... Still, he'll do his best to atone.

He reaches over and rubs at Dan Heng's knee.]

Will you stay with me? Even if I have to join the Black Order?

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cw emeto asjhjkslahkdhbjkas

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