[Blade is about to point out that thinking is probably what got them into trouble in the first place, but he decides not to. It's not something they've really sat down and spoken about yet, and he doesn't feel comfortable joking about it even a little when it ruined so many lives. Whatever it was they did... the details are so heinous they couldn't even be recorded clearly in his book.]
I... [His voice lowers a notch, as if to match Dan Heng's own softness.] I didn't know about that other meaning. [He hasn't stopped touching his hair, though he's careful not to disturb the flowers too much.]
You believe I can be saved...
[Salvation. It isn't something he dared dream about before. And in that other life, he's sure 'salvation' meant an end to his miserable existence. Is that really salvation, or is it giving up like everyone else says?
He turns toward Dan Heng when he speaks again. This... definitely starts to sound like a confession. He's talking about feelings—feelings that Blade has also been struggling with in his own way. There is no disguising how his ears lower, expecting some bad news.
The amount of lifting that yet is doing. Blade breathes out slowly and rests his hands on the table.]
... I'm not ready, either. I don't feel like I can let go of everything that's in our past and pretend I feel nothing... nor can I move forward. I want things to stay just like this. I want to learn about Dan Heng the biologist, and all the things that make him different from Dan Heng the exile.
[He wants to fall in love again. He thinks he has, but he wants to do it the right way. Like normal people. With flowers and dates and holding hands, and precious gifts in small boxes.
Dan Heng deserves that much at least.]
And I... want to meet this fool he's so intent on saving. [Blade's lips curve into a slight smile.] I can't do that if I let the demon continue like it has.
no subject
I... [His voice lowers a notch, as if to match Dan Heng's own softness.] I didn't know about that other meaning. [He hasn't stopped touching his hair, though he's careful not to disturb the flowers too much.]
You believe I can be saved...
[Salvation. It isn't something he dared dream about before. And in that other life, he's sure 'salvation' meant an end to his miserable existence. Is that really salvation, or is it giving up like everyone else says?
He turns toward Dan Heng when he speaks again. This... definitely starts to sound like a confession. He's talking about feelings—feelings that Blade has also been struggling with in his own way. There is no disguising how his ears lower, expecting some bad news.
The amount of lifting that yet is doing. Blade breathes out slowly and rests his hands on the table.]
... I'm not ready, either. I don't feel like I can let go of everything that's in our past and pretend I feel nothing... nor can I move forward. I want things to stay just like this. I want to learn about Dan Heng the biologist, and all the things that make him different from Dan Heng the exile.
[He wants to fall in love again. He thinks he has, but he wants to do it the right way. Like normal people. With flowers and dates and holding hands, and precious gifts in small boxes.
Dan Heng deserves that much at least.]
And I... want to meet this fool he's so intent on saving. [Blade's lips curve into a slight smile.] I can't do that if I let the demon continue like it has.